Friday, March 13, 2015

The Legacy You Leave

This has been a heavy week for me.  Not really in a bad way.  Just spending time reflecting, enjoying simple moments.  No crazy new recipes here- at least this week :)

A year ago my father passed away and that had such a significant impact on my life.  I can see clearly now that between the crazy amount I was working, being head under water in grad school homework, and extracurricular activities, I was easily throwing my body further into adrenal fatigue.  When he passed, that was in so many ways another blow to my health, though I couldn't see it at the time.  It's crazy and amazing at the same time to think about what the body endures for so long, the way it will always try to keep up...until finally the straw breaks the camels back.

My father, in my eyes, was such a special person to me.  I didn't always know this or feel this, but I was certainly very fortunate later on in life to get this.  We had not always gotten along, we definitely didn't see eye-to-eye.  There are some things I choose not to know about him, and I have peace just not knowing.  Nevertheless, he left me a legacy. And I know he loved me very much.

And that's where I am today.  In my thoughts and mind.  In the past month I have just been able to see more and more clearly my God-given purpose...what is set before me. The responsibility I have towards my family, my husband, my child.

My legacy.

See, no one will remember me generations from now for being a nurse. Or a nurse practitioner. Or a blogger.  Granted, I guess my name will be written down in certain competitions and races and awards that have been won, but eventually that will all be swept away.  Really, my legacy is the only thing that lives on, that will carry on for generations to come.

And so I get it now. That there are many things I would like to achieve in my career.  Many personal goals and accreditations I would like to have.  And that is all good and well.  But even more importantly is what I give to my child.  My time, my love, my passion, my heart.

He will remember me for the times we read together.  When we go on mommy-son dates.  The times we run together.  The spelling tests I help him prepare for.  The prayers we say together at night.  When he tells me he met "the one."

And so I guess this is part of the journey of motherhood or as I have seen it.  This stripping of your personal wants and desires.  Melting of selfishness and self-indulgence.  Because now this island has become so much more.  Just as marriage prepares you in this, becoming a mother I feel like refines it.  Now there is a little being, God created within me, that will leave his own legacy too.

And so that is my responsibility and my charter.  To lead and teach my child in the ways of the Lord.  "Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are my God my savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:4

And so I thank my Dad for the legacy he left me, for what he taught me.  And I am encouraged in my new journey to leave my legacy for my child.

May you be inspired to find your purpose and leave your legacy today and always.



Blessings,

Lindsay

6 comments:

  1. Beautiful thoughts, Lindsay! You are a great mother already :) next week will mark 2 years since my mom passed away. I didn't realize the dates were so close together. Love you!

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    1. Oh yes, Vanessa I remember when that happened. Your mom was such a sweet and kind women. She definitely left her legacy in you!! <3

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  2. You Lindsay, of beautiful body, heart and soul...today you have given me a "gift." I've been waiting a long time. Here's the gift..."I finally KNOW that you understand at the very deepest levels. There is no longer conflict. No longer doubt. Just that incredible knowing and feeling of the deep love that was always present, but shadowed in certain ways. Those shadows, like fog, have lifted. God Bless You, your family, and your Child.

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    1. Meaningul words from a mentor very meaningful in my life. Thank you for your kind words. Always a journey :o)

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  3. Love the post Lindsay! Well written and from the heart. Beautifully conveyed.

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  4. Thank you Laura! It's been such a blessing to be surprised with motherhood! ❤️

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