A Baby Miracle
Gosh I have wanted to blog about this forever. It all started on Labor Day (oh the irony!). I had experienced some symptoms that I was confused by: no appetite at breakfast, horrible acne, and my boobs were painful and HUGE. Being flat as a board most of my life, yeah, these are things you notice!
Nonchalantly I asked my husband Ray to buy a couple pregnancy tests. Why not? I was not expecting it to be positive at all, as we were not trying. I was still trying to work through some health issues, and I'm a little over a year from graduating from grad school. I had intended on not getting preggo till I was done with school and everything was just perfect. Like that ever happens!
I was in complete shock when I took my first pregnancy test. Forget about waiting 5 minutes for that blue line...it was instantaneous!! I just stared at it literally for 10 minutes. What a surreal moment. This plastic stick all of a sudden changed my future forever.
I ran outside and called Ray to come look. He was in complete shock. Let me tell you again, we were not trying and the only way this could have happened was if the one time we had not used protection (I do not do birth control) in the last 6 months, it happened.
Guys do you know how crazy that is! I felt like this teen girl who miraculously gets her own MTV sitcom and is like "um yeah, mom I don't know how this happened." I mean obviously I do but for real? Is this for real?
The next few days were filled with crazy emotions. Shock, disbelief, joy, and honestly fear and guilt.
The shock and disbelief were because my whole life I thought it would be difficult for me to get pregnant. I had anorexia most of my young teen life and did not get my period naturally until I was 25. 25 people. I'm 27 1/2 now if that gives a clue. I had started birth control when I was 16 to get my period because I was so underweight and my doctors were concerned about my hormones and bone density mass. I felt like in some ways my body had gone way beyond repair. But God proved this all wrong.
That's where joy comes in. It is a complete miracle I got pregnant. Being on birth control for almost 7 years (16-23) and with my past medical history....this shouldn't have happened. I got very sick in June and as I wrote in my blog post Beautiful Babies, I did not believe that I was healthy enough to get pregnant. But God fulfilled the promise he made to me when I was 16 and broken and when I had believed I lost everything.
Jeremiah 29:11-13. "For I know the pans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Despite knowing this, I would be lying if I said I didn't experience fear. Fear because I felt so unprepared to be a mom. Look guys, I don't go out of my way to volunteer in the church nursery or to babysit everyone's children. I have no intentions on being a stay at home mom (at least at this point). I am studying to be a family nurse practitioner but textbook is different from reality. I don't know what to expect and I'm not one of those people who love suspense. I like knowing whats happening and having a plan. I wish I knew everything would be alright, but I just don't.
And then I felt guilt. Guilt because I have friends and know people who have tried to get pregnant for years without success. I felt bad that we weren't even trying to get pregnant and still got pregnant, and not in the timeline I wanted. But God confirmed to me that this guilt was unfounded and this miracle was for me and it was for right now. This was the time and this is what He wanted.
Romans 11:33 "Oh, the depths of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!" He knows the right time. He has blessed this time.
He has given me this gift, and I can honestly say now I am sooo excited about it! He has given Ray and I the opportunity to know one of life's deepest joys: serving another with selfless love. And He has given us delight in His creation.
I'm excited for you to come with me on this journey, as I share more of my pregnancy on the blog. Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes. We are very blessed.
Nonchalantly I asked my husband Ray to buy a couple pregnancy tests. Why not? I was not expecting it to be positive at all, as we were not trying. I was still trying to work through some health issues, and I'm a little over a year from graduating from grad school. I had intended on not getting preggo till I was done with school and everything was just perfect. Like that ever happens!
I was in complete shock when I took my first pregnancy test. Forget about waiting 5 minutes for that blue line...it was instantaneous!! I just stared at it literally for 10 minutes. What a surreal moment. This plastic stick all of a sudden changed my future forever.
I ran outside and called Ray to come look. He was in complete shock. Let me tell you again, we were not trying and the only way this could have happened was if the one time we had not used protection (I do not do birth control) in the last 6 months, it happened.
Guys do you know how crazy that is! I felt like this teen girl who miraculously gets her own MTV sitcom and is like "um yeah, mom I don't know how this happened." I mean obviously I do but for real? Is this for real?
The next few days were filled with crazy emotions. Shock, disbelief, joy, and honestly fear and guilt.
The shock and disbelief were because my whole life I thought it would be difficult for me to get pregnant. I had anorexia most of my young teen life and did not get my period naturally until I was 25. 25 people. I'm 27 1/2 now if that gives a clue. I had started birth control when I was 16 to get my period because I was so underweight and my doctors were concerned about my hormones and bone density mass. I felt like in some ways my body had gone way beyond repair. But God proved this all wrong.
That's where joy comes in. It is a complete miracle I got pregnant. Being on birth control for almost 7 years (16-23) and with my past medical history....this shouldn't have happened. I got very sick in June and as I wrote in my blog post Beautiful Babies, I did not believe that I was healthy enough to get pregnant. But God fulfilled the promise he made to me when I was 16 and broken and when I had believed I lost everything.
Jeremiah 29:11-13. "For I know the pans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Despite knowing this, I would be lying if I said I didn't experience fear. Fear because I felt so unprepared to be a mom. Look guys, I don't go out of my way to volunteer in the church nursery or to babysit everyone's children. I have no intentions on being a stay at home mom (at least at this point). I am studying to be a family nurse practitioner but textbook is different from reality. I don't know what to expect and I'm not one of those people who love suspense. I like knowing whats happening and having a plan. I wish I knew everything would be alright, but I just don't.
And then I felt guilt. Guilt because I have friends and know people who have tried to get pregnant for years without success. I felt bad that we weren't even trying to get pregnant and still got pregnant, and not in the timeline I wanted. But God confirmed to me that this guilt was unfounded and this miracle was for me and it was for right now. This was the time and this is what He wanted.
Romans 11:33 "Oh, the depths of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!" He knows the right time. He has blessed this time.
He has given me this gift, and I can honestly say now I am sooo excited about it! He has given Ray and I the opportunity to know one of life's deepest joys: serving another with selfless love. And He has given us delight in His creation.
I'm excited for you to come with me on this journey, as I share more of my pregnancy on the blog. Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes. We are very blessed.
So excited for you, Lindsay! Aren't we grateful that His ways are not our ways?! Can't wait to hear about your journey as it unfolds. Xo
ReplyDeleteWhat a great read! And truly excited for you girl! Those feelings all seem so common to a mother to be. Yet who talks about that? I'm glad you brought it to the surface as I know many have felt the emotions you've experienced in your journey so far. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see you and your hubs be parents! You'll do awesome!
Love the scripture references too!
ReplyDeletethanks Anna! Thanks Laura! <3
ReplyDelete